Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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