??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
