he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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