You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
