The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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