I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
