That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
