She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
