I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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