My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
