we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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