Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
