i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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