So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
