How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm at about main and main street
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
