Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
