I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
