Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
