a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
