oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
