Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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