dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
