State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
