3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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