You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
