i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
