I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
