I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
