Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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