this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
