just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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