hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
