my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
