I CAN MOONWALK!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
