I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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