It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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