the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
