Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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