We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
