Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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