omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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