I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
