billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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