I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
