how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
