She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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