Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
