I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're a waste of cheezeits
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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