Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
