the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
