I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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