I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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