Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
