uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
