I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
