I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
