I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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