I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
