Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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