Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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