do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bring me that man meat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
