i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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