i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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