she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
