i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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