Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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